Highlights: June 3, 2006
"It is with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
"Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel." - Horace Walpole
"Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy." - Aristotle
1. Knowing one’s emotions. Self-awareness
- Recognizing a feeling as it happens – is the keystone of emotional intelligence.
- The ability to monitor feelings from moment to moment is crucial to psychological insight and self-understanding. The inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy.
- People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives, having a surer sense of how they really feel about personal decisions from whom to marry to what job to take.
- Handling feelings so they are appropriate is an ability that builds on self-awareness.
- Chapter 5 of the book examines the capacity to soothe oneself, to shake of rampant anxiety, gloom or irritability – and the consequences of failure at this very basic emotional skill.
- People who are poor in this ability are constantly battling feelings of distress, while those who excel in it can bounce back far more quickly from life’s setbacks and upsets.
- Marshaling emotions in the service of goals is essential for paying attention, for self-motivation and mastery, and for creativity.
- Emotional self-control – delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness – underlines accomplishment of every sort.
- People who have this skill tend to be more highly productive and effective in whatever they undertake.
- Empathy, another ability that builds on emotional self-awareness, is the fundamental “people skill”.
- Chapter 7 of the book investigates the roots of empathy, the social cost of being emotionally tone-deaf, and the reasons empathy kindles altruism.
- People who are empathic are more attuned to the subtle social signals that indicate what others need or want.
- The art of relationships is, in large part, skill in managing emotions in others.
- Chapter 8 of the book looks at social competence and incompetence, and the specific skills involved. These are the abilities that build popularity, leadership, and interpersonal effectiveness.
- People who excel in these skills do well at anything that relies on interacting smoothly with others; they are social stars.
